“No. Get some exercise and grab it.”
At first this seems rude. However, if the two individuals are just friends engaging in light banter, we understand that no offense is meant. In fact, they are actively being polite to each other. This is called Negative Politeness.
To be polite we show respect to those we address. The first scenario demonstrates that we respect a person through using language that identifies them as being considered worthy of respect.
What, though, does this mean for you? This answer is: Lots.
When you are meeting new people, potential friends, potential romantic partners, you are looking to develop a relationship that is on some level, intimate. This is why you have to use the second level of politeness.
Have you ever watched popular guys talking with people they’ve just met? There’s no messing around. They go straight in, handshake, pat on the back, whatever, launching straight into conversation like they’d known the new person for years. This forms bonds straight between the two of them. If you approach every new person with caution and distance then you may never cause a major social offense – but neither will you make close friends quickly. Caution and distance help you to develop cautious distant relationships. Acting friendly and forthcoming helps you develop friendly and forthcoming relationships.
Newsflash:
Beautiful girls DO NOT NEED ANY MORE GROVELERS! They have plenty of them. They are used to the first level of politeness being the norm. You need the second level to get their attention. Remember what you’re trying to do here – develop an intimate relationship (strong friendship or romantic). You would never treat your mates as though they were better than you. As tempting as it may be, the same applies for lovely ladies – always stay as an equal, not treating them as a Goddess. Jerks succeed at this because they have no regard for the value of other people, so they never treat anyone as being valuable. You however, can do this because you have class.
OK, so, lets go over the main points.
- Politeness as treating others as equals NOT as superiors. If you act socially like someone is above you, they will treat you like you’re below them. This is a lose-lose situation. If you act as an equal, you will be considered and treated as one.
- Be a friend NOT an acquaintance. We gather up acquaintances all through our lives, and most of them are fairly replaceable. Nobody wants to put effort into keeping acquaintances, so don’t act like one.
- Be insulting NOT complementary. This is a bit tricky. When I say this I don’t mean directing unflattering comments about the shape of the head of the first person you meet. I mean two things – firstly, don’t be afraid of playful banter. Friendships thrive on being able to take a joke and give as good as they get. Secondly, don’t overdo the compliments. People will either get tired of your flattery (and possibly suspect you of being a stalker) or take it to heart and consider themselves way out of your league. Neither of these is good. At all.
